And there you are, shoved to the edge of a fifty-foot cliff. You are so far on the edge that the ground of the ledge crumbles beneath your toes, and you look down at water that swirls gray with anger. You can't see below the surface, and you're not the only one that gets a fleeting sensation because of the unknown. You curl your toes around the very out most part of the cliff and as you take a deep breath to prepare for your launch, your friends all watch in anticipation, taking that deep breath with you. Your shoulders rise with every ragged breath you take in, and before you know it, your brain has taken over. You can't do it. Your arms fall to your sides and you bow your head. "Why is it so hard to just... jump," you ask yourself. Your friends' faces fall and you realized that you've disappointed the crowd. So you prepare yourself again... Arms up. Toes on edge. Face to the sky. And finally, that deep breath. "3..." you count to yourself, "2..." and now you know the only thing keeping you from jumping is a small number, no greater than "1..." and what you didn't see coming was the hands on your back, shoving you quickly into wind and unknown below.
Sometimes we just need that little kick to push ourselves off the cliff, even if we know there's a chance of failure below. But how do we find that little shove, when we're sure that we just can't do something? For me, and for at least today, it's coming in the form of shame. How can I possibly expect results when I'm not putting anything into getting them? So here's the deal, viewers, I'm challenging myself. I am going to be better. Eating better, exercising better, and most of all, thinking better. I need to change for me this time, and not for anyone else. I only have just this one life, this one body, this one time to screw up or succeed. Starting today, I am me.
Now, I know you're all saying... "Weren't you, you before?" and the answer to that is yes. Yes, I was me before today. And the answer is also no. I was not me before today. You see, the beautiful and yet confusing thing about people is that they're never the same person. They act differently around different people, they act differently alone than they do with people, they even act differently in their heads than they do outside. You might now be asking "But, but, Weebs, if we're all acting different all the time to different people, doesn't that make us all fake?" And I guess the logical answer would be yes, but I'm going to go ahead and say no. For me, I realize I'm doing it. I can take every step possible to avoid acting different, but the bottom line is; if no one is around me, I'm not going to talk to myself out loud like I would if they were there. This, my friends, is what makes people think you're crazy.
But there's beauty behind always changing. I'm going to quote Pocahontas here and say: "What I love most about rivers is: You can't step in the same river twice. The water's always changing, always flowing..." You see, if people are always changing, it means they CAN change, and this gives me hope beyond anything else. I can change. And this is why I challenge myself. I need to think, eat, and act healthier. And that's just what I'm going to do. I might be blinded by the unknown at times, and that's great. Yes, you read that correctly, that is SUPER-DUPER FANTASTIC! Because I can change. One of my best friends keeps telling me "Find who you are, not who you are going to be in the future." And there's no better way to find who I am now than to cut back on what I am not, am I right? So here I go, jumping off this cliff into the unknown, and yet, I find myself relieved that I was able to take this step, rather than nervous that I'll crash into rocks below the surface.
<3 Weebs
